keeping up...

So it is hard to keep up on this! To keep going on what I was talking about yesterday, I started my weight loss challenge yesterday and it was kinda fun. According to the scale at Kickin Nutrition I weigh 238. I was informed that there scale is 3lbs more then anyones at home. So I am still at the same weight. I plan on drinking more water and working out a little bit more just to keep up and loose that weight. I hate working out but its what I have to do!

As I was talking about yesterday, I have been so outta sorts lately that it has not been good. I realized that I feel like I have a hole in me. My dad and my old dog hanz (he was the best dog in the world and I had to put him down 1 month before my dad passed away) filled that hole. Now that they are gone, the hole feels even bigger. I did notice that when I am around other dogs I am sooo happy and that hole is a little bit smaller. I think Adam saw that. Saturday night we were hanging out with friends and their dogs and I think Adam saw how happy it made me. He spent an hour on the computer yesterday looking at dogs. He is such an amazing man! I am the luckiest girl in the world! I know there will always be that hole but I think something that likes to cuddle and doesn't talk back and always shows how happy they are to see me will help fill that hole a little bit.

I am done for today but I do want to add, anyone who reads this please keep a friend of mine in your prayers. He is in a medically induced coma and he is an amazing guy. Please pray for him!

there's a hole.....

So the past couple days have been a disaster! I keep struggling going back and forth between happy and sad. Yesterday I even got pissed at Adam for no reason. I just snapped. Well I will post more in a bit. I am at my first weight loss challange for herbalife!!

Feeling like s***......

So here is the start of my stroy. I haven't told anyone my weight but here goes.... currently I weigh 232, I was at 235 when I started my herbalife. I am ashamed of my weight and looks. I feel fat and unhappy (hence the name fat girl). When I look in the mirror all I see is flab, flub, and a big a**. I am shocked that I even have a boyfriend.(he is the most amazing man ever though) My goal weight is 135. I don't even remember even being at this weight in my life. I have to loose 100lbs to hit that weight. It seems impossible. I know you have to workout to loose the weight but I am so depressed that I really don't want to workout. I know I have people who will help me and understand why I need to do this. I can look to them for advice but it scares me that I will be judged. It will be grade school and high school all over again. I don't want that. I just want to be happy with me.

So today is the 2 month anniversary of my dads death. I can bearly function today and where am I, at work. I miss him so much. I wait for his calls when Great Clips has sales but he never calls. I was going to sharpen my knives with him before he passed and I kept putting it off. I regret that so much now! My mom did show me how to do it and I got them done but it wasn't the same. I miss his smell,(a mix between copenhagen, stetson, and wild root hair cream), his laugh(so hard his belly would shake), his smile(yellow teeth and all), and last but not lease his voice. It has been to long since I have heard his voice. Well that's all for today...

Starting Again....

I have been lacking on my blogging and things have majorly changed. First of all my dad passed away on May 28th, 2011. He was 74 years old and my world. I am really trying to deal with this but it hasn't been going very well. In the process of dealing with this I am trying to loose weight. I have had weight problems all my life. I started herbalife a week ago and it has been making me feel a little bit better but I haven't lost anything yet. Well tomorrow I will go more in depth with this. Talk to you then

my phone

Checking to see if this works

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Stress Relief

I'm sitting at home relaxing in my chair and loving every minute of it! I went and worked out today after work and realized that it is truly a stress reliever. I did 7 min on the treadmill before I started getting shin splints I think I should really stretch before I go on. I did circuit training for about a half hour and then a cool down on the treadmill. same as I have been doing. I hope that this works and helps me get in good shape.
I went to the hospitable today to see my dad, only after I went to the dentist and half my mouth was numb! He hadn't been seen by a doctor yet but they did give him another CT scan. I had to work so i left and I got a call about 5 hrs later. They are going to run more test but they think that he had another stroke and an extreme migraine. they took an X Ray of his wrist and its not broken but he is still having problems with it and they are going to talk more about it tomorrow. I still plan on hitting the gym tomorrow and then going to visit my dad after. Then I am going to go to bowling with Adam . I love doing this because I get some time to myself but still spend it with him! Until next time!

taking a break

So my dads in the hospital again, I m skipping out on the gym. My dad is my world so I will be going to see him. Maybe I will hit the gym after. Who knows? I'm scared for him...

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